Motherhood: Breathing in the Simple

A recent trip to the beach with my little guy left my heart strings bursting with love.  Love for my growing baby boy, who amazes me each and every day with the new things he learns.  Love also for a new appreciation and understanding of the beauty in the simplest things in life.  Because, who are we kidding, life is a long string of simple pleasures over amplified in our memory boxes.  And this first year of being a mother has taught me the immense joy that comes with reveling in the smallest of pleasures.  Daily life with a small child can seem chaotic and crazy.  But what I have found to be most true is that the moments slow down, allowing you to really take things in if you let it: breathing in the simple.  Babies don't want you to buy them the most expensive toy, they just want your time.  Sitting down on the grass with Maverick at the park, walking with him as he explores the neighborhood, listening to music together in the mornings-these are the simple things that get the biggest smiles and allow you to slow down your days a bit, making you better able to take in the now.

Motherhood is mirror into your soul, making you feel so vulnerable and naked.  It really exposes your strengths and weaknesses.  I have learned that I actually like to be going-going all of the time and have to be doing "something."  I never really thought of myself as that type of person before having Maverick.  Once I became a mom, my life slowed down.  Bam!  It hit me hard.  I was not used to it at all.  I clumsily navigated through the first months in a haze of disbelief: so much time on my hands to simply love on this tiny little being that my husband and I created?  Yes!  And, I slowly started realizing that I did not need to be doing something all of the time.  Managing to get one thing done was a miracle and I finally started accepting this as reality.  I learned to really enjoy my son and enjoy being a mom.  It's a very simple realization really, but a tough lesson for me nonetheless.

Now that Maverick is an on-the-go one year old, I am falling in love with watching him explore the world around him.  It is the best feeling to see his eyes and facial expressions when he figures out something new-lightbulbs hovering over his little head!  Now, I absolutely cherish the slower moments of the day when we simply are-two people exploring the beach and the sand together, driftwood treasures and fat toes in the cool water.  So one of the biggest things I have learned this past year as a new mom: be present and slow down, because seeing the world through the eyes of my son is what being a great mom is all about.

xo, B

Motherhood: Having an Only Child?

It seems that once you have a child, all you can do is dream about them day and night.  You are overflowing with boundless love for them, bringing out your phone to share photos any chance you get.  Talking with complete strangers about all of the awesome things they are doing.  Relishing in their soft breathing as you tuck them in at night.  Closing your eyes tightly, trying so hard to imprint all of these precious moments in your brain forever, so afraid they will slip through your fingers.  It's a very wonderful, exhausting and strange thing-this new love I have for my small baby creature child.  It's all I can do to hold it together, my heart constantly on fire about to explode.

This is why, when I get the familiar question (familiar lately, at least) "Are you going to have another baby?" I nervously smile and shudder a bit inside.  The question elicits so many emotions for me, none of which I am ready to face only nine months post-partum.  Sure, it has been a long nine months...but, it is truly a short time in the overall scheme of things.  The thought of pregnancy (which, I did love!), birth and caring for another tiny, helpless babe makes my head ache!  Makes my insides somersault with fear, anxiety and utter exhaustion.  Maybe I am just weird.  Maybe I am the only one who feels this way?  Am I?  Am I crazy?

I love my little one so much.  I am a first time mama, and so I feel an over-kill sensation to do the best I can for him.  I want to, simply, give my child the most that I can give.  And, I am not sure my abilities are up to par as a mother to do this and have another child.  Quite frankly, it scares the crap out of me to even think about having another baby (especially anytime soon!).  I struggle inside with feeling this way: is it because it's way too soon to be thinking of another baby & that's why I am quick to say no way?  Are my hormones still all wonky?  Am I being selfish?  Do I have to have another baby?  What will people think?  Is having an only child a bad thing?  The over-analyization goes on and on.

My argument is this: there is no rule book that says all people must have more than one child.  And, if I change my mind, we can try for another one.  I am still pretty young-ish, right!  I also keep telling myself that I have no reason to feel bad or guilty about this decision.  It's what feels right for me and my little family at the moment.  And, I support those families that have lots of children!  I just do not want to juggle a toddler and a baby-not sure if I can (I'm sure I could if I had to and those mom's who do it are beyond amazing in my book!).  I mean, I can barely remember to eat lunch or go the bathroom most days!  I am craving sanity and taking deep breaths and caring for myself and loving on my only-child baby right now.  That is enough.

I can't bring myself to look too far ahead right now.  I can only take one day at a time.  One step at a time, really.  Right now I am content to devote all the love I have in my heart to my only son.  It feels good to watch him grow and I am so excited for what each month holds.  If there is another baby in our future (way in the future, thank you) I hope I will be ready and I know I will have a whole new set of fresh love to give.  After I catch up on my sleep for a few years.  Just saying.

What are your honest thought on this subject?  Are you ready for another baby?  Are you planning for one?  Am I crazy?

xo, B

Motherhood: Favorite Baby Toys

Fav Baby Toys 

Now that Maverick is getting bigger and way more interactive each day, I've been thinking more and more about safe toys for him to play with.  I am not really into all those blinking, noisy plastic toys (although we do have some that family has given us).  I love the classic designs of the wooden toys, with beautiful colors and simple parts.  They are aesthetically pleasing so I don't mind seeing them scattered all over the living room.  Plus, I love how lots of the companies who make them use non-toxic paints & ethically sourced woods.  Good design and fun!
I have been thinking a lot lately about pairing down on Mav's toy collection and just keeping his favorites, while adding some well-made toys like the ones above.  Investing in several different age level toys that will last longer makes so much sense.

1. Yellow Label Kids Organic Veggie Rattles-Mav has the red radish & it's one of his go-to toys.  It's bright, cute and light making it an easy toy to take with you.
2.Plan Toys Drum-I love Plan Toys!  This drum is a perfect grow with baby toy, enabling years of entertainment.
3. Hape Rhythm Set-Hape is another company I really like.  All of their wooden toys are simple with modern colors and chew friendly.  I really want to incorporate more musical toys into Mav's collection & this set is perfect!  These will also last for years to come.
4. Hape Wooden Book-we have this little picture book & Mav loves when I "read" from it, pointing out the colorful animals on each wooden page.  I like that it's made with non-toxic inks so it's ok for Mav to chew on this book!
5. Plan Toys Push Cart-this is on our list especially since Mav will be trying to walk soon.
6. Hape Butterfly Push Toy
7. Kid O Stack & Nest-Mav is almost ready for stack toys and I like the simplicity and warm colors of this one.  Plus, it's a stacking and nesting toy all in one, which means less toys.
8. Wee Gallery Sea Art Flashcards-mostly I am in love with these!  So pretty!
9. Plan Toys Assorted Fruits & Veggies-this is so cute!  This is for a toddler but I am keeping it in mind.
10. Skip Hop Bath Birds-now that Mav enjoys bath time play, I am thinking about getting these.  We own a few other things from Skip Hop and really like them.  I like their designs and how affordable they are.

What are some of your favorite toy brands?  All of these items can be found at Oompa or click the link above! 

Motherhood: Stay At Home Mama's

I have been fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with Maverick, at least for these first 8 months of his life.  That's huge, especially considering that most working moms have to go back to work around 3 or 4 months post-partum.  So, yes I am totally grateful!

That being said, it has not been an easy transition.  The choice to be a stay at home mom happened by accident and was not planned.  After my vintage shop closed in October of 2011, I had no clue what I was going to do.  I felt more out of place in the "work" world because I was about 3 months away from giving birth.  Finding a job on the cusp of having a baby was impossible.  So, stay at home I did.  After Mav came, I continued to stay with him.  I had no job to go back to and I wasn't sure if I could go back to selling vintage.  I wasn't sure if I could handle being a mama and a business owner.  The juggle scared me senseless.  Not having a place to go back to work after having a baby also scared me & I felt the most terrified, worried and out of place I have ever felt in my life.

I never envisioned myself in this role.  And the biggest challenge has been the financial burden of a single income.  The Hubs and I have made some major sacrifices and pinch many a penny on a daily basis.  He works an extra job as the Master Bicycle Mechanic/teacher for a local non-profit to earn extra income for us.  He works damn hard and I am eternally grateful for him!  But I feel constantly stressed about money (or lack thereof) and have not been able to truly relax in a long time.  I am also a pretty big worrier in general, so having a baby and not working has been a huge change that I am still trying to acclimate to.

I think about all the moms out there who have to make the tough choice between staying home (and losing income) or going back to work.  I was sorta thrown into my choice, which in a sense has made it tougher.  I have grappled for months with what my place is, trying not to lose a sense of myself as I am fully immersed in mothering my baby 24/7 from home.  Trying to hold stimulating conversation with other people while my mind just wants to shut down after a day of running after a crawling baby.  And always dreading this question from people: So, what are you doing now?  I always say that I am mothering!  I have learned just how valuable a mother is, how hard she works every day and how special her loving care is to her family.

I am so happy that I have had this time with Maverick, but part of me really wants to go back to some type of working situation.  I know it will be challenging and I am sure I will miss being at home with him more than I think I will.  But I wonder, maybe I am the type of person (type of woman/mother) who does better for herself and therefore her child, when she finds accomplishment & purpose in being challenged and stimulated by other people outside the home?  I have struggled with this question a lot lately.  I truly believe that some moms are made to be stay-at-home mama's and they work so hard!  Harder than most people even realize.  However, I think there are also women who crave some type of work outside the home and thrive off of that too.  And for those women, maybe it has been a difficult pursuit to shape themselves into their ideal SAHM.  And, it's ok to be the other woman.  The other mama, who enjoys going to work full or part time.

Often times, I feel like there is an unspoken stigma about working mothers...we talk about them in hushed tones behind their backs, about how much they miss out & how they have chosen work (god forbid!) over their children and the juggle is impossible.  We also do the same thing with stay-at-home moms, whispering about how all she does is stay home all day and has no life outside her child!  We seem to never be balanced enough for people or ourselves!  We torture ourselves inside, agonizing over whether it's better to stay home with our children or go to work...and it never ends.  No one way is perfect or the "correct" choice.  Each mother has to make the choice that works for her family (and, lots of moms simply don't have a choice-they must work!).

My decision to go back to work is mostly out of necessity but a part of me sorta kinda wants to go back to work.  It won't be easy, I am sure of it and if in the future my family had a wonderful opportunity that afforded me the chance to stay home with Mav again-yes, I would do it in a heartbeat!  Right now I am just trying to talk myself out of the guilt I feel for kinda wanting to go back to work, for desiring more adult interaction and a new daily rhythm.  I think it's ok to admit feeling stifled, lonely and bored as a stay-at-home mama!  It's not easy and feeling this way does not diminish the love you have for your baby by any means!  I love my Mister Boy more than I could ever explain.  I have been so lucky to watch him grow just a little more each day.

I may just be ready to add working mama to my list of things I do.  I am slowly becoming ok with the possibility of this change and trying not to feel too guilty about it.  Of course, I will worry.  And I will hold my baby extra long until the day comes that I go back to work.

♥

Any mom's out there, please share your thoughts on this subject...I completely respect and value working and stay-at-home moms and would love to hear how you balance it all!Any tips or advice welcome as well!  

Motherhood: The "G" Word

Confession: I have said things, done things and thought about doing things that I never thought I would as a new mom.  And, I know I am not the only one.  Nothing in line with extreme (and very real) post-partem depression thoughts and actions, more like ignoring a diaper change because I was too tired to wrestle Maverick at that moment or fake crying to get Mav to stop crying.  Just crazy little things.  When these thoughts or actions happen, the big "g" word creeps into my heart: Guilt!

All new moms and seasoned ones alike feel mama guilt at some point (or at many points along the mothering journey).  It's especially hard not to feel this way when we are constantly bombarded with daily judgements on our parenting style by strangers and family, are blasted with images and articles online and on television about our cultures obsession with perfection and overhear daily conversations by other moms about all of the amazing things their baby is doing that your baby isn't even trying yet.  Yikes, it can get very exhausting very quick!  Motherhood can be very isolating, especially if you are a stay at home mom.  With plenty of time to think, you find yourself analyzing every little thing you have done and wondering if it will adversely effect your child.  Will the screaming in the car seat make him more clingy as a toddler because I wasn't able to pick him up right away and comfort him?  Shouldn't he be sleeping through the night already like all the other 7 month olds?  Blah, blah, blah....

It was worse in the beginning, right after Maverick was born.  I constantly questioned everything and read everything I could on babies so I could comfort myself.  Well, all the reading and research was actually the least comforting thing I did!  It made it worse.  I felt like I was under a huge magnifying glass; all eyes were on me as a new mom to this precious little human.  Family and friends meant well with advice, but it always left me feeling empty, nervous and more confused.  I finally decided to ditch all the books and rely on my instincts (what a concept!).  I figured, I relied heavily on my body knowing what to do during labor, giving in to my animal side and just letting the pain guide me.  Why was it that I couldn't do the same with my parenting?  It made sense to just let each day guide me, stop forcing things and trust in my knowledge of my baby.

Just the other day I was chastising myself for not making more baby food for Maverick.  I was feeding him one of his Plum Organics foods and telling myself, this is good but it's not homemade & fresh and I  want the best for him, etc.  Then, it hit me, the guilt.  I shook my head in disbelief at myself!  Really Benicia!  Maverick's whole life will not be ruined because you didn't have the time to make all of his food.  And, those Plum Organics are pretty darn tasty.  Get over yourself!  That mom guilt sure is sneaky, creeping up on you when you least expect it or need it.  Mav's dirty feet from crawling all over the floor?  Mom guilt.  Forgot the sunscreen on our walk?  Mom guilt.  Prayed to baby jesus that Mav would take a 2 hour nap so I could have some "me" time?  Um, yep Mom guilt!  We all feel this way sometimes and it is very challenging to shake out of it.  One thing that helps me is laughing at my craziness.  Humor is a cure all and being with your baby should be fun, not all guilt ridden and serious all the time!  So, try to shake it off, learn from your mistakes for next time (no one is keeping a star chart with your name on it, right?!!) and move on.  

I have come a long way.  I still have a long way to go, but I am feeling more and more confident in raising my baby boy.  Giving yourself time to get in a rhythm is crucial.  All great things take time and all great things take tweaking as time goes on; adjusting things here and there as people and seasons change.  The guilt will always be there, but I really believe that us mama's need to do our best to support each other and try our damnedest to erase some of the guilt out of our heads.  We will make so many mistakes.  It's guaranteed.  No questions about it.  But, we need to be tender, forgiving and loving towards ourselves.  We are only human.  We are learning.  Our babies are learning.  And like I have said before, motherhood is a huge transformation so it's important to be kind to ourselves.  That's why talking about this with other moms is crucial.  Too often I see mom's running & hiding (I've done it too), too afraid to sit with other mom's & reveal that they are not perfect.  Instead of comparing notes on our beautiful babes, we need to gently encourage and support each other-mistakes and all.  Oh, and yes, our babies are wonderful too!  I am making a promise to be kind, patient and loving to myself as I navigate the choppy waves of motherhood.  

Mister Boy: 7 Months

Welcome 7 months!  Mister Boy is truly becoming more and more delightful, hilarious and showing us even more personality every day.  Oh, and the trouble and mischief he is in!  Oh my!  This last month has been very productive and now Maverick is crawling full force!  I am completely in denial about it and can not believe it happened so fast.  He can also get into the sitting position from crawling like a pro, rolls every which way faster than lightening and is now pulling himself up on everything!  I told him to slow down, but this boy is determined to move!  So now he is obsessed with practicing standing all the time.  And I had to get a few baby gates, especially since we have a laundry room in the back where Toby keeps his bicycles (scary!).

Mav is babbling more too.  He does this whisper thing, where it's like he is talking to himself.  It is the cutest!  He's been eating solids for the last month and loving it.  He has tried all sorts of yummy stuff and recently had organic pinto beans.  I am mashing things up more and more instead of so many purees.  He is also a fan of yogurt.  We are still breast feeding several times a day and it is still the main way Mav goes to sleep at night.  We are still co-sleeping as well.  We did put our bed on the ground because I was all sorts of nerves as he started getting more mobile.  Maverick is quickly becoming such a fun and happy baby!  He loves to laugh and smile and I love how bright his eyes get when I kiss him or the excited panting noises he makes when dada comes home from work!

Here are a few of his favorite things: Miya dog's paws and tail, watching birds at the park, crawling in the grass and picking up leaves, banana, naked time, Miya's dog bowl, walks, bath time, playtime with dada, power cords (uh-oh!), peek-a-boo and bicycle rides.

We continue to fall in love with this bean more and more each minute!  And, yeah I am super exhausted from chasing around a very mobile babe!  But, each month does get better and better!  Cheers to 7 month olds!

Motherhood: Favorite Baby Clothes

Oh baby clothes, you are so cute and tiny!  And, sometimes you are difficult to get on a squirmy rolling chunky baby!  Over the last 7 months, I have figured out how to put clothing on a wiggly baby in lightening speed and which types of clothes are easiest (things with buttons and not snaps? NO WAY!).  My favorite type of onesies or baby body suits are basics that are durable, have some stretch, are soft and preferably snap all the way up as to avoid being put on over my babes head.  I have also come to really love a few particular brands.  If you look in your local thrift shop, you may find some of these great organic options at a deep discount!

Baby Wears by lovefoxvintage on Polyvore

Speesees Organic-great basics, lots of kimono wrap style options, soft organic cotton, funky graphics that both a girl or boy can rock and they make my favorite bib!  

Splendid-two words: so soft.  I really love Splendid's classic baby options!  Lots of stylish details like little pockets and gender neutral stripes.  Their jumpers are great workhorse pieces that really last through daily use.  I wish I could afford more of their stuff, but I have been very lucky and have scored a few pieces for Maverick at the thrift shop!  

Positively Organic-I own the striped blanket and blue rabbits nightgown above and love them!  We use the blanket everyday and I really dig the vibrant colors they incorporate into their designs.  They have so many whimsical prints and so far their stuff is super durable. These were two of my fav baby shower gifts!  

What are some of your favorite baby clothing brands?  I especially love to find organic pieces at a bargain!   

Motherhood: My Baby Gear Picks

Ok, so I have only been a mama for 6.5 months...but, there are a few things I've learned & mastered (sort of).  I also have a pretty good idea of what gear we own gets the most use, is economical, durable and comfortable.  I agonized over several of our bigger purchases & always loved when real mom bloggers out there gave their honest opinions about baby stuff-because it can be very overwhelming!

Before Mav arrived, I was pretty adamant about not having too much stuff; after all, he's just a baby, right?!!  Well, my family didn't get the memo.  Clothes poured in, thankfully mostly second-hand & now we are a tad overstimulated with toys (which I intend on weeding out as soon as possible) over here.  That being said, if I had to chose only 6 baby gear items to keep, the ones below are it.  They are the things we use the most and really love.  Basically, these were worth every penny.

Must Have Baby Gear by lovefoxvintage on polyvore.com

1. Ergo Baby Carrier-we use this pretty much everyday.  It is the best carrier we have tried!  We also own a Baby Bjorn that a friend so kindly gave us, but after Maverick hit 13 pounds it was painful.  We love the Ergo because of the cushy hip support, padded shoulder straps, sun shade, and front pocket.  It was a great investment & we will be using this for quite some time to come.

2. Aden & Anais Swaddle Blankets-these were gifts from my mother-in-law & if I had to, I wouldn't think twice about buying these!  I use these everyday, for everything (except swaddling, which Mav wasn't into).  I use them as a nursing cover-up, a lightweight blanket over the stroller, for spit up messes & cozy nap wrapping.  I love how breathable they are and how simple and subtle the designs are.  I sorta hate most designs on baby textiles.

3. Flip Cloth Diaper System-I know there are so many great choices when it comes to cloth diapers, but for our budget Flip's have been wonderful.  So far we love these one-size diapers because they are super easy to use, maintain and clean.  I did tons of research on cloth diapering & these got great reviews on being super durable and economical compared with similar brands/styles.  

4. Sophie the Giraffe teether-this was the best $20 bucks we spent!  Mav loves chewing and slobbering on Sophie.  Real simple and real good.

5. Inglesina Fast Table Hook-On High Chair-now that we are feeding solids, a high chair was needed.  Our problem is that we have a super tiny kitchen, so we couldn't fit any high chair basically.  Except this awesome one!  We love that it's so easy to hook on, sturdy, cushy and travels well.  Highly recommend if you have a small space.

6. Boppy Pillow-I found one of these at a consignment shop so look there first.  This has been a wonderful little pillow for making nursing more comfortable.  It was especially helpful in the beginning when I was still learning to breast feed.

You can find all of these goodies at Diapers.com or Babyearth.com

Motherhood: Postpartum What?

When I found out I was pregnant, I was very happy & very curious to see how my body would change as my little bean grew.  It was quite the adventure and I truly loved being pregnant.  I mean, there were moments when I cried for no reason, couldn't sleep because my belly was in the way and cursed the heavens when I couldn't find anything in my closet to wear.  But seriously, loved it!  I did tons of research and reading so I would be prepared for both the birth and what goes on afterwards.  But, no matter how much reading you do, nothing really prepares you for your unique birthing experience & the challenges you will face afterward-I mean, the postpartum challenges.

Image source

Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad.  It's good because your body is healing.  But there are some things that occur after birth that you must wipe from your memory or you won't make more babies!  And even though you have had a baby, it's not over...the gift of pregnancy just keeps on giving, months & months after birth.  

So, when my hair started falling out around 4 months after Maverick was born I realized just how transformative pregnancy & birth are.  And, my body has never ached as much as it does now!  My midwife told me this would happen, telling me that in a couple of months your body will feel aches in muscles you never knew you had.  Check.  And my skin is as dry as a crocodile, although this may be because I didn't use lotion for like 5 months!  Oops!  How about postpartum memory loss?  Check!  Depression?  Of course!  Luckily, not severe, but it hits you out of nowhere.  Passion and desire in the bedroom?  I'm still looking for mine.  

What has this taught me?  Well, first of all, my body will never be the same.  This is not such a bad thing because I will forever be reminded of the amazingly brave and strong act of childbirth.  I also have to relearn to love my body again and am slowly gaining confidence in my overall appearance.  Feeling comfortable in your skin is always challenging, especially when your body and soul have undergone such a huge change.  I know it will take time, but my goal is to have a healthy body image, respecting the bones & muscles that helped me birth my babe.  I'm trying to appreciate the process of healing, letting my mind and body do its thing slow and steady.  

Image source

A wise mama told me, "things get easier and harder in different ways."  I am beginning to see this as so very true.  Parts of me heal and other parts show un-mended wounds from childbirth.  Parts of mothering get easier as Mav grows and other parts get more challenging (like, him becoming mobile-good & bad!).  I am just learning to not expect miracles & just let go of the worries I have of future postpartum surprises.  Becoming a mother is a beautiful and everlasting process.  The immensity of it can't be fully understood until you are a mom.  Just hoping my hair stops falling out soon. 

Mister Boy: 6 Months Old

Yes indeed, this guy is 6 months old today.  I can't believe it!  Half a year, just like that.  Craaaaazy!  Here are a few things to ponder:

A few more stats...
Personality-Maverick's personality is really starting to shine through!  What we have learned so far is that he is super smart, intense, silly and curious.  He gets frustrated when he is unable to do something and he flashes his beautiful smile to strangers every chance he gets.
Physical Milestones-Mav has mastered sitting up and rolling every which way.  Now he is trying desperately to crawl, already rocking on his hands and knees and lunging forward.  He's also working on getting into the sitting position from his stomach, which is some hard stuff!  He is "talking" like crazy and using "ga" and "da" sounds.  His latest favorite is screeching and screaming.
Eating-we are still breastfeeding!  Yay us!  He recently started solids and has eaten banana and avocado so far.  He loves banana.  We are taking the whole food thing slowly, just letting him explore textures and flavors right now.  Breast milk is his main source of nutrition, but he digs food.  We are working on getting him used to the sippy cup (he was only given a bottle once).
Teeth-None yet, but he's teething and seems to be working on something.
Sleeping-Maverick is a tough one to nap!  He takes a morning nap around 9:30am and usually an afternoon nap around 2pm.  Some days he naps for up to 2 hours, but mostly I am lucky if it's an hour.  He also snoozes here and there if he is in his Ergo carrier or car seat.  He sleeps with us at night and still wakes a few times to nurse a little.  I know that someday he will sleep through the night (or at least 6 hours straight), someday, right?!!

Mav's sailor onesie-vintage/thrifted

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Maverick enjoys diaper changes, watching everything Miya does, his daily walks, peek-a-boo and playing with his hands and feet.  He is finally getting better in the car seat too (thank baby jesus!).
Basically, we are falling more and more in love with him each and every day!  I am so excited to see him grow each month.  He has changed our lives forever and I never knew my heart could feel this much love.
       Beanie, we love you!

Motherhood...So Far

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I do a lot of mothering these days.  So, naturally I think a lot about motherhood and what it means to be a mother.  I think a lot about my baby and hope with all my heart that I am doing everything I can to help shape my son into an awesome human being.  It's tough work & it's a lot of pressure!

Before having Maverick, the Hub and I talked often about the types of parents we hoped we would be; the type of parenting style we thought we felt most comfortable with.  We did tons of research, talked to lots of parents and read lots of books (way too many!).  All of the things we were most into seemed to fall into the category of Attachment Parenting.  We were and are ok with this title.  It sounds a bit stifling, the word "attachment."  But the actual actions and daily motions of this type of parenting, although exhausting (parenting is exhausting no matter what I say) is so rewarding & wonderful.

We do a lot of Attachment Parenting, whether we mean to or not-we sort of naturally do it.  We don't do everything by the book (who does?) and feel that it's best to not stick so strictly to one particular parenting style.  You gotta try new things because each day is different & what didn't work yesterday may work today!  That being said, we do a fair amount of holding (Maverick is an arms baby), breastfeeding (lots!!), carrying (we have a Baby Bjorn, Ergo and Maya sling-whew!), cloth diapering (not quite sure if that's AP included or not?) and we co-sleep.  So far, everything we do has been working for us.  But it doesn't mean it's working for everyone.

We have received our fair share of questions, criticisms and disapproving glances.  Some people can't believe I pick Maverick up right away when he cries (although, when he's sleeping I do wait a few moments to see if he will settle now that he's bigger before tending to him) or that we barely use a stroller or that there's no crib in his room, blah blah blah....Some people say it looks like so much work-all the baby holding & breastfeeding on demand.  Well, it is.  But, it is also all so natural and I really believe it's worth it.  I feel like this time in my son's life is so short; he won't be a small baby for long, so why not hold him as long as I can?  So what if he falls asleep in my arms and I can't get up and do the laundry?  Or, I have to breastfeed him while I eat my sushi dinner?  Maybe my back aches a bit each day after I have carried him on a long walk.  What I know for sure is that my baby is happy.  He's getting the love, nurturing and care that he needs; that's right for him.  So, at the end of the day I fall into bed tired and with a full heart next to my sleeping babe.  I am so ok with that.  And, I am so ok with other mama's doing their own thing-because seriously, no judgement!  You do what you gotta do for your baby & for your family.

And between you and I, sometimes Maverick has to fuss a little while I go to the bathroom.  I'm pretty sure he won't be scarred for life.