Motherhood: Postpartum What?

When I found out I was pregnant, I was very happy & very curious to see how my body would change as my little bean grew.  It was quite the adventure and I truly loved being pregnant.  I mean, there were moments when I cried for no reason, couldn't sleep because my belly was in the way and cursed the heavens when I couldn't find anything in my closet to wear.  But seriously, loved it!  I did tons of research and reading so I would be prepared for both the birth and what goes on afterwards.  But, no matter how much reading you do, nothing really prepares you for your unique birthing experience & the challenges you will face afterward-I mean, the postpartum challenges.

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Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad.  It's good because your body is healing.  But there are some things that occur after birth that you must wipe from your memory or you won't make more babies!  And even though you have had a baby, it's not over...the gift of pregnancy just keeps on giving, months & months after birth.  

So, when my hair started falling out around 4 months after Maverick was born I realized just how transformative pregnancy & birth are.  And, my body has never ached as much as it does now!  My midwife told me this would happen, telling me that in a couple of months your body will feel aches in muscles you never knew you had.  Check.  And my skin is as dry as a crocodile, although this may be because I didn't use lotion for like 5 months!  Oops!  How about postpartum memory loss?  Check!  Depression?  Of course!  Luckily, not severe, but it hits you out of nowhere.  Passion and desire in the bedroom?  I'm still looking for mine.  

What has this taught me?  Well, first of all, my body will never be the same.  This is not such a bad thing because I will forever be reminded of the amazingly brave and strong act of childbirth.  I also have to relearn to love my body again and am slowly gaining confidence in my overall appearance.  Feeling comfortable in your skin is always challenging, especially when your body and soul have undergone such a huge change.  I know it will take time, but my goal is to have a healthy body image, respecting the bones & muscles that helped me birth my babe.  I'm trying to appreciate the process of healing, letting my mind and body do its thing slow and steady.  

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A wise mama told me, "things get easier and harder in different ways."  I am beginning to see this as so very true.  Parts of me heal and other parts show un-mended wounds from childbirth.  Parts of mothering get easier as Mav grows and other parts get more challenging (like, him becoming mobile-good & bad!).  I am just learning to not expect miracles & just let go of the worries I have of future postpartum surprises.  Becoming a mother is a beautiful and everlasting process.  The immensity of it can't be fully understood until you are a mom.  Just hoping my hair stops falling out soon.